Is it love or attachment?

Hi loves and welcome all back to my BlogSpot. I hope everyone is doing great and had a good day, I did.  This evening I wanted to speak to you ladies  about topic which many of us girls seem to be confused about or afraid to speak about because the truth may be too bitter to accept.

 It is very hard nowadays for us to distinguish between whether we are attached to someone or in love with someone.  

  Although people have different personalities it is firstly important to understand that once someone claims to be in love with you, they will only treat you a certain way, which is with love and with respect at all times.  Although people display things differently, an individual who loves you will only show you love and will only show you many different ways in which they can love you which could be by respecting you, listening to you, being there for you or even buying you things or taking you to places. Anything that would make you happy is what  they would endeavour to do, unless it is something that would harm you in any way, which only goes to show that they have your best interest at heart but generally, someone who claims to be in love with you would never go out of their way to hurt you.

For those of you who do not know what attachment is, the term attachment refers to affection, fondness or sympathy towards someone or something. Attachment to someone would lead you to do things which you wouldn't normally do in your right mind frame and would lead you to constantly chasing or going back to someone or something which may or may not be bad for you, today of course we will be referring to attachment towards an individual in a negative way.  A synonym of attachment to me is manipulation because once you are attached to someone they have power over you and your mind. Someone who you are attached to can talk you into anything and talk you out of everything which can be very dangerous and they can also take over your mind and your feelings usually causing you feelings of sadness, despair and anger.

                                             Am I in love or am I attached to this individual?

It is very important that you figure out what love is in order to then determine whether you are in love with someone or simply attached to them. I spoke a little about this topic on my very first blog post, named ‘love and the importance of self-love’. If you have never been in love or aren't sure about what love is, it may be pretty hard for you to conclude whether you are in love with someone or you are simply attached to them

                                                 So how do I distinguish the difference?

Distinguishing the difference between whether you are in love or attached to someone can be hard especially if you do not love yourself.  When you don’t love yourself you tolerate and accept more things that you should do and settle for less whilst when you love yourself there are only certain things you will tolerate because you love yourself enough to wait for the right individual to come your way and treat you how you should be treated.  When an individual doesn't love you they constantly put you though that they shouldn't be which will make you question whether they love you. If you are constantly finding yourself questioning whether this individual loves you or if this individual is constantly making you sad or cry, they simply do not love you. You should stop making excuses for them and you should really walk away because someone who loves you would not want you to be upset.  

A few months ago I walked away from a one year relationship which made me understand a lot of things about myself and helped me grow as an individual and made me understand and learn that I should not settle for less; these lessons are now helping me in my current relationships and I am sure will continue to be of help in the future. Ladies, please do not settle for less either both with friends and relationships. If you are constantly giving and helping a friend which does not want to help themselves or isn’t having a positive impact in your life you should cut the friendship off or stop giving the friendship your all, but I will get into more details on this topic on my next post.

If an individual makes you feel sad on a regular basis for various reasons and you find yourself constantly being upset or angry and not being able to enjoy your life you need to run especially if you have the urge to go back to them after how you are being treated, that is called toxicity. This goes to show that you may be in love with them and / or may be attached to them but they do not love you they are simply attached to you for a variety of reasons, whether you are pleasing them sexually, or you are an easy target or they know that you will always fall for their charms, ladies check yourselves you know why he wants you back and what he can say or do to you to get you back and you also know that the reason why you constantly go back to this individual is because he ‘sometimes’ does the right thing and you are hoping for a change. If you have to wait for them to sometimes do the right thing it’s clear that they were not brought up to treat you or women right and we do not have time for that or are you a tester? Secondly, another reason why you constantly find yourself going back to this toxic situation is because you cannot stand being alone and need someone to make you feel ‘loved’ or give you attention and if that is the case, you would really need to work on yourself, your feelings, self-love and your well-being but one thing is clear, this individual does not love you back.

Someone who loves you will never constantly put you through hardships; they would not constantly do things to hurt your feelings, abandon you and disrespect you in any shape or form. There will be many times where you will argue with your better half and disagree on certain things which is perfectly normal, sometimes big and sometimes small but if you constantly find yourself arguing over the same things or constantly find yourself arguing or being upset over the littlest things, the relationship is a toxic relationship and you should really leave. An individual who truly loves you will always and I repeat ladies ALWAYS work on bettering the relationship. An individual who truly and genuinely loves you would learn things after an argument and would want to better things for your sake and the sake of the relationship.  An individual that loves you is always willing to listen, always willing to help and always willing to try but most importantly willing to listen. If you find yourself feeling uneasy or unable to open up or talk about your feelings and having to bite your tongue in order to avoid an argument you are not in a healthy relationship. You should always feel free and always be able to express your feelings to your better half and if you feel scared to so  then it goes to show that your ‘better half’ cannot  handle or does not want to handle or understand you and your feelings.  Someone who doesn't try their hardest to be in your life should not be in your life, it’s very simple especially if you are giving it your all. If  you find yourself constantly and repeatedly  apologising even when they are on the wrong, or speaking to them first and always ignoring your feelings in order to ‘solve’ the issue or generally feeling sad and on edge, you need to leave this individual for your own good and you need to understand that this individual firstly  does not love you back, secondly this individual is childish and not mature enough to take on board the issues that are going on in this relationship and thirdly this individual does not love you enough to make a change. Please understand they do not love you enough to chase you and they do not love you enough to fight enough for the relationship. If they would rather choose their ego an pride and would rather let you be upset and sad on a regular it is not love, they may be attached to you but they do not love you regardless of how much love they supposedly show you and as a matter of fact, it is a mind game and nothing but toxicity because isn't constant pain or unhappiness.   

What’s today’s moral of the story?

1.       – Don’t settle for less. Wait for your prince or princess charming to come along although remember that relationships aren't perfect

2.       - Work on bettering yourself and being the person you want to find

3.       – Let go of anything and anyone that constantly hurts you